If you are haunted by what you have done in the past, or what could have been then you cannot experience the freedom of Jesus Christ. Yes, having a life filled with addiction does rob you of joy, happiness, peace, love, satisfaction and more.
But, through Christ Jesus you can see what He wants you to become. The past might burn your heart with shame - but only if you let it. Jesus forgives and does NOT hold onto our sins. That's why He died for us - to put the sins on the cross and take them away from us.
When you choose a new life in Jesus, your life ahead of you can be filled with joy, happiness, clean, fresh and sparkly and oh what a future you can have. Everything is new with God - there are no negative thoughts about failures and past flaws - addictions. But you have to accept Jesus and then let go the past. The two cannot live together.
I pray that today you let go of the shame and guilt and hold onto the freedom and salvation that comes with Christ Jesus.