Showing posts with label pornography. Show all posts
Showing posts with label pornography. Show all posts

Thursday, November 30, 2017

The Light on Your Way

When we look back along the road we have traveled, we tend to focus only on the negative things. Because the past had its share of problems, many people expect the same from the future.

But this is a negative way of looking at life. The prayers of your heart every day should be, "Lead me, O Light of the world!" Jesus Christ is still the Light of the world and He has promised that those who follow Him will never walk in darkness. Take His hand in faith and trust and experience Him as the light of your life.

God said , "Let there be light," and there was light. Genesis 1:3

-- It's so very hard to try and be positive in the midst of battling an addiction, but this is when we need to stay positive the most. Because of past behaviors it's very hard to trust ourselves to make the right choices for the future and we might even be very cynical that we can. But the great thing is that we don't have to be the one leading the charge. God does. We just need to follow Him. If I allow myself to make decisions through the lens of His redemption of me, I know I'll make better choices. Don't forget about all the tools that are available for you - He created those. Use them.  The Bible, 12 step meetings or Celebrate Recovery Meetings, accountability partners or sponsors, counselors, friends, Bible studies, devotions, prayer and yes, even aids like technology apps are all things available to you from Him to help you reframe your perspective on life.

Grace for Each Moment



Wednesday, November 1, 2017

Making an Idol

Ephesians 5:1818 Do not get drunk on wine, which leads to debauchery. Instead, be filled with the Spirit

Many people wonder about the Church and it's stance on wine. And it's amazing when I hear sermons that condone drinking even a glass of wine as a ticket straight to hell.   In fact, this legalistic type of preaching really makes me sad as a Christian. Sermons like this are taking scripture out of context.  

Hold on -- I know this is a devo blog for addictions..keep reading and I'll get to my point.

This verse says that drinking in excess is wrong. Jesus himself performed his first miracle of turning water into wine at a wedding.  There are many things that the Bible clearly says are wrong: adultery, stealing, drinking to excess, making things into idols.

When we use things such as alcohol or drugs or view pornography to escape the world then they have become an idol. An idol is anything that we use to replace our need for God in our lives with something else. So for some it can be watching too much TV, playing video games, our desire to be the best at any cost, over-exercising, collecting items, fantasizing, laziness - these are things that just aren't so obvious.. And that's when it would be wise to create a new healthy habit to replace the bad habit that we have chosen to deal with our deep feelings such as anxiety and feelings of no self-worth, boredom, etc.

For someone dealing with an addiction, it's a choice to totally get rid of the unhealthy habit. For some addictions such as alcohol, drugs, viewing porn it's obvious that total abstinence is going to be key for recovery. But for other addictions such playing video games, using devices, exercising, working - it isn't as clear cut. We can't just get rid of these things from our lives because they are part of every day life. And so this is where today's verse hits the nail on the head. We are being warned of not being obsessive - as that's the addiction.

So, whatever your addiction is, you have to be the one (hopefully with the guidance of a sponsor or accountability partner)  to set what your limits need to be and a plan to develop new habits to replace the old habits.


Tuesday, October 10, 2017

Am I Filled With Judgement?


“Do not judge, or you too will be judged. For in the same way you judge others, you will be judged, and with the measure you use, it will be measured to you.
“Why do you look at the speck of sawdust in your brother’s eye and pay no attention to the plank in your own eye? How can you say to your brother, ‘Let me take the speck out of your eye,’ when all the time there is a plank in your own eye? You hypocrite, first take the plank out of your own eye, and then you will see clearly to remove the speck from your brother’s eye.Matthew 7 : 1-5


Recently a friend stayed over and we got into the conversation about heaven and hell and the judgment that is coming from God when we die. And while uncomfortable to even think about a loving God casting down judgment to those who don't live in His ways - I believe it's the truth.

But, I want us to take away something more than this. Of course the Bible tells us not to judge. Jesus in these verses warns us what will happen if we judge others. And goodness it's so easy to pass judgment on others. Judging involves a sense of right from wrong. And unfortunately, we (and yes I mean even Christians) place judgment all too often...sometimes without even knowing it.

One of the reasons that I feel meetings like Celebrate Recovery or a traditional 12 Step program are crucial to the sobriety of those attending, is that they feel no judgement. Anyone that attends will have shameful feelings in the beginning because of their addiction, hurt, hang-up or habit BUT will quickly see that everyone there is only there to help motivate, love and support everyone. And so we must even be careful to avoid judging ourselves. (it's why finding a sponsor or accountability partner will help with these feelings as well - because they help us sift through the lies of society/life and help place a proper framework for us to move on).

But, how often does the church pass judgment? Many churches will not welcome someone who has an addiction. Hmm..didn't Jesus call the sinners to himself. He didn't come to eat, pray and preach to the righteous. Rather He came to welcome those who were made to feel like they were unworthy.

So I guess today's message is not really to those who are trying to break the addiction but rather to those who are even quietly passing judgment. Often we do this without even knowing. Ever go by a homeless shelter and think "they are there because they just couldn't measure up in society" - that's judgment. Ever not want to be near someone in a grocery line because of how dirty they are? Judgment!  

We never know the circumstances of others lives. Period! Once we can accept that everyone (including ourselves) is a child of God equally filled with sin in need of salvation, our hearts will begin to let go of ugly judgments and will begin to fill with a heart of compassion called to action. 

Wednesday, September 13, 2017

I'm Supposed to Submit to my Husband? But He Watches Porn!


Ephesians 5:22-33

New International Version (NIV)
22 Wives, submit yourselves to your own husbands as you do to the Lord. 23 For the husband is the head of the wife as Christ is the head of the church, his body, of which he is the Savior. 24 Now as the church submits to Christ, so also wives should submit to their husbands in everything.

I know this is LOADED, right? I'm supposed to submit to my husband but he views porn. Yes, the pain is searing especially when you first find out that he has an addiction to pornography (and yes, it can be the wife with the addiction so just reverse the pronouns). 

The feelings of betrayal, and lack of self-worth, and feelings of negativity towards your own body are going to be screaming in your head over and over. First, I want you to separate the addiction from the feelings about yourself. I know this is crazy - but it's not about you. I'm not saying this in a bad way at all. His addiction is not about you (unless you are the one feeding it). But his addiction to porn has to do with him and the fact that he has lack of love for himself or feels that only he can fulfill his desires because he feels no one will want to. Who know. Those are things he needs to work out!  Not you!  Don't fall into the CoDependent trap and try and "Fix" him because it's not going to work!

Some might argue that a wife withholding sex from her husband drives him to view pornography. That is not true. It's a total cop-out and I don't buy it. Yes, because of the lack of emotional connection, he may try and seek it elsewhere, but viewing porn is still wrong and he has a choice to make. Actually, what usually happens (and research can support this) is that women want to have sex with their spouse, but for some reason he doesn't - he's the one becoming emotionally detached because he's getting fulfilled elsewhere - porn.  Either way, it's so important to seek counseling to figure out the cause of the addiction for the husband and for the wife to seek counseling to deal with the grief.

Let's be real here - there is huge HURT when we find our spouse views porn. It's hard to even watch TV or go to the movies with your spouse anymore. Even a stroll through the mall could create such pain while walking by the VS store. And we don't even want to let our minds go there about having him touch me. We don't even want him to view us naked. He's seen other women so it's got to be my ugly body right? Wrong!  Those negative thoughts are straight from Satan.  But, even knowing that, it still hurts!  I mean, he's known this secret for how long and lived in his shame. But I'm just finding out..and so I often find this time is WAY harder on the spouse!!

So, how can we honor God during this while honoring our spouse. How can we live Ephesians  5:22-23 during this time. This is not inclusive at all and it's really just a small piece of the dealing with the entire mess AND some of these steps are going to be harder then others.

  • Honor your husband. Yes, he has a problem and needs help. And so do you. Don't go announcing to the word that he watches pornography. He is still a child of God and as awful as he hurt you, he deserves respect. 
  • Find a trusted friend to work through your feelings. Seek professional counseling. YES - you as the spouse will need to seek help from someone who can be objective.  Don't use social media to bash your spouse..that's not honoring to God.
  • Find a support group. The enemy WILL use isolation to attack you. Isolating yourself is going to feed into the enemy's plan and so you MUST protect yourself from him.
  • Trust in God. Too often we place our trust in people and get hurt. And even though he is your spouse - he is human just like you are. And so he WILL fail you. But God never will. 
  • It's not dishonoring to God to put space between you and your spouse until you start working through your emotions as well as  seeing that he is working through his baggage. Actually, it's honoring to your spouse to give him space to work through his addiction and not hound him.
  • Don't call and make appointments for counselors for him. Don't do the work for him. That's being CoDependent (and even though we do it to protect ourselves - it's far from healthy for both of you). He must want to change and own up to the work that needs to be done.
  • Try to understand what causes an addiction to pornography so that when/if he does want to talk to you, you are understanding what this addiction really is. It will make more sense to you. And it will help make you aware to protect your children.
  • I believe having some physical space separation is OK. I don't mean make him move out. But you don't have to share the bed right away. If he truly wants to break the addiction and is working hard you will see it. And there will be a time for intimacy again - but you are not obligated to sleep with him because you are his wife. And if he seeks intimacy and you are not ready, you have the right to let him know that. Submission does not mean to give freely to him because he desires it. (if you read further in Ephesians  the husband has even more responsibility to the wife).  As healing happens, intimacy will return...but be ready for Satan to attack you there.  It's not going to be easy. Trust is something we need to earn from each other.
  • Don't use the porn as an excuse to beat him down. Try to find ways to praise him. Even if it's a simple "I see you are trying and I appreciate it". Belittling him will only make things worse.
  • When you are ready and he is ready, be available for counseling as a couple.
  • Attend a Celebrate Recovery meeting or a group session as well as personal counseling.
  • Have a close friend to talk to or journal like crazy.
  • Make sure you get enough sleep, exercise, food, spiritual and emotional self-care. Just like an addict can't overcome an addiction without making sure basic needs are met, neither can you!

As the spouse of a person who has an addiction to pornography, you are going to feel like your world was turned upside-down. And those feelings are legit. The hurt and pain are searing. It's how you deal with that hurt and hang-up that will determine how honoring to your spouse and God you deal with it.

Tuesday, September 12, 2017

What Does the Bible Say About Porn (Pornography)?

"You have heard that it was said, 'YOU SHALL NOT COMMIT ADULTERY'; but I say to you that everyone who looks at a woman with lust for her has already committed adultery with her in his heart. If your right eye makes you stumble, tear it out and throw it from you; for it is better for you to lose one of the parts of your body, than for your whole body to be thrown into hell.  Matthew 5:27-29

First, let's define what porn (or pornography) really is just so we are talking about the same thing. 


por·nog·ra·phy
pôrˈnägrəfē/
noun
  1. 1.
    printed or visual material containing the explicit description or display of sexual organs or activity, intended to stimulate erotic rather than aesthetic or emotional feelings.
    synonyms:erotica, pornographic material, dirty books








Since printed or digital pornography didn't exist during the Bible times , can the Bible really have anything to say about it and offer up anything that I need to take seriously?  There was no internet or printed material that contained images - so can the Bible really talk about pornography or sexual addiction?   The Bible is very clear that certain sexual acts are definitely wrong such as sex with animals, sex with family members, rape, adultery, orgies. It's even written in the Bible that these acts are punishable by death!  So clearly they are wrong.

But, what about just looking? Is there harm in that? "I'm not touching anyone or hurting anyone right?" - oh haven't I heard that one before!  A lot! That is something that is often used as an excuse but in reality,  there is a lot of harm being done both to you and to others. Today, as we focus on the verse above, we see that  Jesus tells us that even looking at a women in such a way is lust, which is defined as a strong sexual desire - many call it lust. When we just "look with desire", have we committed adultery? Yes, this "lust" thing was punishable by death. And Jesus does go on to say that your body will be thrown into hell. 

Perhaps others don't know your secrets desires and lust habits because they are just in your mind, but Jesus knows and is promising that you will not receive the kingdom of heaven.

So, how can that be bad? I'm just looking and not actually having sex. The thing is - as Christians we are called to also have pure minds. We are called to a higher standard. And so when we look at images, we create that desire in our minds and because Jesus tells us that even the desire is sin - then looking at the images is sin! Porn is this crafty medium that helps feed our addiction because by viewing these images we release chemicals in our mind that feed us pleasure - and therefore we seek more. And what's different about pornography compared to other addictions is that we can bring back those images in our minds at ANY point and get that high again. However, as all addictions go, you need more and more to get that same high. And so the awful cycle continues and grows. And maybe you act further on it or maybe you don't - it's still wrong and why tempt yourself!

When we accepted Jesus as our Savior, we gave up our bodies. They now belong to Him and it's our job to take care of our body. I'm not saying we can no longer have "fun" but there are LOTS of other ways to create the same amazing feelings that are good for us and pleasing to God .. it's our job to find them.  That's why counselors, sponsors and accountability partners are crucial to have to recover from an addiction as they can help lend you ideas on how to create healthy habits.

The cost to a family or marriage is so high. I won't get into that because this is a devotion and I want to keep focused on God's perspective. But do the research to what watching porn is really costing you besides your personal relationship with Christ. It's a lose-lose situation no matter what.

Here is the great part about it all...when you decide to honor God with your eyes and mind and give up pornography or a sex addiction in any form, Jesus is waiting for you. He has been all along and he has the tools you need to break free from this habit. You can overcome and will overcome AND he offers forgiveness FREELY. Watching porn or committing adultery might cost you a marriage, relationships with others or maybe even your job, but Christ is offering forgiveness and is offering you a NEW life with one condition - truly accept his sacrifice on the cross and leave the porn alone.  I just want to scream FREEDOM from the top of my lungs.  He offers freedom!


Sunday, May 14, 2017

I Am Second - Nate Larkin ~ Hard Core Pornography

This is an AMAZING story of how pornography is even in our churches - but how we can overcome!

Nate Larkin’s reputation was everything, so there were great lengths he’d go to protect it.
Addicted to hard-core pornography yet serving in ministry, he lived a double life and constantly feared being caught – ruining his reputation. Even though his frequent rendezvous with women and videos left him emptier every time, he still went back for more searching for a fulfillment that would never come. Losing the trust of his wife forced him to move out of the shadows and into liberation.


Tuesday, May 9, 2017

Due to Circumstances Beyond Our Control

What shall we say about such wonderful things as these? If God is for us, who can ever be against us? Romans 8:31

Do you ever have those internal debates? You know, the voice inside you that makes you doubt yourself, your choices, your joy?

Doubt - agh.. the very thing that keeps us from living the life that God has in store for us. And I'm sure you have seen that glimmer of doubt in other's peoples eyes about you as well.  You know, when you tell someone that you are finally sober and that this is the LAST time. You are done with the life of addiction?  And you get the raised eyebrow thing?

Well, other's peoples thinkings are their own baggage. You must stand confident.  Believe in the life that God has in store for you.  That little voice in your head - it's a device of Satan to keep you from succeeding.

Years ago, a good mentor of mine gave me great advice.  She told me when I hear that voice in my head, to stand up and loudly proclaim out loud "Satan, Get Out!"  And each time I feel that doubt looming I do as she instructed. I feel so free. I pray for the Holy Spirit to fill me in that instant and to protect me from the harm Satan wants me to endure.

Thing is, if you don't experience that doubt, then I might wonder if your goals for yourself are too low. If you do get that feeling/internal debate that perhaps "I can't stay sober" - then you ARE winning and Satan isn't liking it.  I know based on the verse above, God is with me.  So stand tall and say it "Satan, Get Out!"



Tuesday, April 4, 2017

Honor Your Mother and Father

Honor your father and mother. Then you will live a long, full life in the land the Lord your God is giving you. Exodus 20:12

I know this is a tough one having wrestled through it myself. And this is why I think going through the 12 step program or Celebrate Recovery program is so helpful (along with some good Christian counseling).

We all have a mother and a father. That is a fact. Some of us might have been raised by one or both or neither. And so some of us might actually have more than one mother or father in a sense.  And whatever your circumstance or relationship with your parents, I cannot speak to.

I can say that I myself had to deal with "issues".  Let's face it..most of us do.

But what I have learned from dealing through these items is the following:

1. They raised me based on what their past was shaped by (see yesterday's devotional post)

2. They are humans just like I am. They have to deal with circumstances in life. As we grow older we no longer hold our parents on that pedestal. In fact, we quickly take them off of it and replace it with something else. If you are reading this blog then you probably replaced it with drugs, alcohol, pornography etc. And only once we hit rock bottom  do we replace our parents, our addiction with the true father - our Father God. And we put Him on the pedestal.

3. And lastly, and I think the most important, is that I am an adult. Yes, I have my past, but I know right from wrong. I can make my own decisions. And I am accountable for my decisions. I am accountable to my family, I am accountable to my spouse and kids, I am accountable to my job, and friends and church. But most importantly, I am accountable to God.  And to Him, it is where my faith lies.

And so, working through the steps ( for me it was Celebrate Recovery but they are basically the same) I was able to forgive my parents for their choices that were wrong and honor them. But now I honor them not on the pedestal, but rather as humans with the love and grace and mercy that God shows me each day.


Sunday, March 5, 2017

Finding Our Way Back to God


March 5
Scripture reading for today:
Ephesians 5; Amos 4 &
5
I am concerned about you. I am afraid you will rush past big believing, and move on to trying to behave, without pausing to prepare. Frankly, that’s easier than doing the work of believing, and humans gravitate towards softer, gentler solutions. If a microwave will accomplish the same purposes as a conventional oven, we will pick the microwave, right?
So let’s read chapter five in Ephesians, and I’ll illustrate my concern. Imitate God, therefore, in everything you do, because you are his dear children. Live a life filled with love, following the example of Christ. Ephesians 5:12 NLT
Reframing:

Believing will require me to know God well enough to imitate Him in every single solitary moment of my life.
  • Believing is contingent upon me understanding my relationship with God (I’m His kid; not his indentured servant, not His pawn, not an object of His wrath; I’m His baby.)
  • Believing will always, always, always mean loving, and loving is best exemplified by Christ.
  • Believing will require me to know how Jesus loved, and will necessitate me learning how to apply how He loved to my daily life experience (I’ve got work to do!).
Hang with me on this point: it’s far easier to rush
to the second half Ephesians and study what it says we should do than to camp in two little verses long enough to grasp their astounding implications.

Thought for today: Once a long time ago, Pete (my husband) and I were teaching a “newlywed” Bible study at church. Someone in charge of curriculum got the idea that the summer months would be a good time to bring out a series of biblical studies on sexuality. I’ll never forget the experience for a variety of reasons, some of which I can’t share! One Sunday our topic was homosexuality, and these newlyweds really got into it! Oh, they said, what a
sin! How terrible! Just look at how clearly the scriptures speak about this subject—how dare anyone commit this vile act against holy God! The next week we talked about adultery. Specifically, we discussed Jesus’ instructions to men when he says, If you even look at another woman with lust in your heart, you’ve committed adultery in your heart (see Matthew 5:2728). The room was strangely silent. 

"It struck me as sad, really, how easy it was for us to judge others so harshly for a sin (that presumably wasn’t an issue for any of them) yet how reluctant we were to engage in meaningful conversation about an area of behaving that surely every person in that room could relate to. So I’m concerned that you’re going to follow the example of these young believers who found it easier to discuss a sin that they couldn’t relate to than it was to wrestle with one that they no doubt had experienced. When we rush through believing and straight to behaving, this can happen to us. We can seek to avoid getting honest about our own stuff and instead set up rules to live by that we think we can manage on our own—independently of God. I warn you: don’t do this. None of us can behave our way into the good graces of God, nor do we have to! God has a different way to handle our “issues” that is far more effective than us trying to muster up the self control necessary to play by the rules." from northstarcommunity.com


I was excited when I found this devotional for recovery. It is truly filled with lots of practical and thought provoking ideas.  To read more visit http://www.northstarcommunity.com/clientimages/44773/documents/devotional12in12.pdf





Friday, February 3, 2017

God's Redeeming Love

To them God has chosen to make known among the Gentiles the glorious riches of this mystery, which is Christ in you, the hope of Glory. Colossians 1:27

The wonder and glory of the Christian gospel is that God loved us while we were still sinners. Without such a love, we would indeed have still been lost.

As you become deeply aware of your imperfections and sins, you are also aware that there is a divine and all-powerful Diety who is calling you to a better and nobler life. Because of our sinfulness it is impossible to live life as God intended for us without His help.

So accept God's offer to recreate and transform your life. Allow the Holy Spirit to fill you with the strength you need to walk according to God's ways.

Grace for Each Moment



Friday, January 6, 2017

Addiction Can Be a Good Thing..huh??


Addiction can be a good thing! 


I ran across this at www.worthydevotions.com and the title caught my attention. 
Titus 3:8 This is a faithful saying, and these things I will that thou affirm constantly, that they which have believed in God might be careful to maintain good works. These things are good and profitable unto men.
Does it ever happen to you – that something terribly simplistic just suddenly becomes clear? I realized something about us the other day. We humans are such addictive creatures.

We always hear stories of addictions such as gambling, drinking and using illegal drugs — most of which, many of us have either never allowed ourselves to touch or been able to conquer at some point in our lives. But it occurred to me that these are just a few of many things to which we can become addicted.

I mean, think about it. The more we work and the more money and material things we acquire as a result — the more we want to work in order to purchase more of those things. The more television we watch — the more we don’t want to miss that next episode. The more we win at the leisurely games we enjoy, the more we want to play and win more at those games. The more we sleep — the more we want to sleep! The more we complain — the more we want to complain! The more we eat — the more we want to eat! We have even created nightly support group meetings for our addictions to which, if we’re not careful, we can also become addicted! And there are countless other earthly examples we can probably add! It seems that mankind is hopelessly given to the substances and circumstances around us.

So wouldn’t it be great if we could just switch our focus from majoring on our daily grind, to majoring on the things of the Lord? And then, I'm sure we would find that the more we pray and see God answer our prayers — the more we’ll want to pray and see those victories! The more we share our faith and see people come to know the Lord through us — the more we’ll want to share and see others come! The more we read the Word and gain wisdom for our lives and others' lives — the more we’ll want to read the Word and gain that kind of wisdom! The more we serve God and those around us– the more we’ll want to serve them! And there are countless other heavenly examples we can probably add!

How about it? Let’s begin doing more of the things of the Lord and watch how they multiply! I have feeling that we just might experience more joy, peace and contentment than we ever have!

For more visit www.worthydevotions.com



Friday, December 9, 2016

God Has a Plan For You

Do not be distressed and do not be angry with yourselves for selling me here, because it was to save lives that God sent me ahead of you. Genesis 45:5


It is often difficult to understand that God is fulfilling His plan in your life, especially when times are tough. When Joseph was sold into slavery, he probably struggled to discern God's will. Nevertheless, many years later, he recognized that God had been with him through it all.

God determines the pattern of your life. In your present circumstances, difficult as they may be, hold on to the assurances that God is busy working out His perfect plan for your life. Life's darkest moments can become a testimony of God's perfect purposes for your life. (Check out Jeremiah 29:11 too)

-- I can attest that when we are in the pit of despair we often raise our eyes to the sky and cry out "Really, Lord, this is for my good?  How? Please just take it all away!" And yes he can and will deliver us from the drugs, alcohol, pornography, depression, horrible habits and more - in His time. I know suffering sucks. Let's face it..who wants to be in pain? But if we never felt that rebuke, would we learn something? In the heat of the moment it is so hard to see this, but when you are lifted out - and you WILL be, God's light will be shining down on you.  And you will see that it was Him who was with you then entire time. You will be able to look back and see the blessings that he sent to you during those times.

Grace for Each Moment



Friday, December 2, 2016

God Remains in Control ESP When We Aren't

There are time when it seems as if everything is going wrong. Throughout history, nations and individuals have struggled through disasters, hardships, dangers, sorrow and adversity.

Before becoming despondent, however, acknowledge the greatness, glory and constancy of God. He called the word into existence, He created man and has kept vigil over His creation, caring for us through the ages and sheltering us in every disaster.

He is the Creator God who will never abandon His workmanship. Hold onto His promises; place your entire trust and faith in the living Christ and through Him you will survive the dangers and adversities.

He is before all things, and in Him all things hold together. Col 1:17


-- Yes, even though it seems like no one understands what we are going through, it's such a wrong attitude. First of all, there are scores of others who are currently going through your life of addiction recovery and scores more who lived through it to be victorious. We are NOT alone. God is with us. How do I know? I mean my life is so rough, how do I know He is there? Well, a few days ago we read in our devotions that we need to see the little blessings in life. Count them. Each day try and find one more than the day before. You will eventually begin to see God really is here with us and we need to wake up. He truly is in EVERY part of our lives. He celebrates the victories of passing on a drink and is stroking our face praying for us when we make the wrong choice and pass out from too much to drink. He IS there.

Have you seen Him today? I have!

Grace for Each Moment