Sunday, November 13, 2016

Who Do We Offer Our Grace to Each Day?

2 Thessalonians 1:4-5Therefore, among God's churches we boast about your perseverance and faith in all the persecutions and trials you are enduring.  All this is evidence that God's judgment is right, and as a result you will be counted worthy of the kingdom of God, for which you are suffering.

Many of my readers know that I have a son who has special needs. Because of his disabilities, he gets very emotional and add that to the impulsivity that comes with ADHD, he often explodes into rage even before we have a moment to help him process the situation.  Now, add in the momma bear factor and my struggles with CoDependency --well you guess I'm a mess. I just want to fix his problems for him and I can't.

Lately, he's been working on some electronics projects that require programming (that's where he needs my help - with the programming). And lately, he's been in so much trouble at school that we had to follow through with consequences at home - which involved taking away all his electronics (these were some serious infractions folks).  And so now we don't have our special projects to work on.

The verse talks about having perseverance and faith in all the trial I'm (we) am enduring. Well, I'm struggling huge with this. My son and I have very little to bond over, and he would rather play by himself than engage with the family. So when we finally found this common interest recently, it broke my heart that we had to take away his electronics. I feel like I'm being punished - I want what's best for him and I don't want to wait anymore for him to "get with the program" so we can work on these cool projects together.  I want him to figure these things out now!

And so I wonder, is this what God feels? Is he waiting for me to "get with the program" so we can start working on our relationship together? Is he just as frustrated with me for my choices as I am with my son? I wonder. I mean, I try to make the right choices and yet I fall short a lot. I know what's expected of me and yet I don't follow through. Wow! It's like I"m seeing my son by looking in the mirror at myself.

God is waiting for me to make the right choices and is offering up tools to help me along the way AND his patience is forever. I'm thinking he's telling me that I must extend that same grace to my son, and when he starts to "get with the program" we will start to have the moments I feel normal relationships should have. But honestly, what is normal anyway?

The more I really embrace this parenting gig, the more I realize how much I have dissapointed my Father in heaven. I so want to please Him but I fall short so many times and yet he keeps extending me grace. God gives me that grace with no strings attached and it's such a blessing to have no shame and to continue to walk with Him each day. That's what I want with my own son. And so as God extends me grace on a daily basis, that's what I must do with my own son.